Friday, July 21, 2006

I am now suddenly feeling depressed all over... I also don't know why.. I seriously don't.. Maybe its because of the homework lately? or maybe too much stress? Or maybe its some problem with me in prefects? Or maybe it's my role in the band? I realli don't know, i seriously don't. I still feel very sore all over i think its cos of the naffa retest yesterday, And i improved, ha. I think teacher happy. then i finally pass la.. Yay.. Haiz... I juz cannot type out the words "haha" .. I feel like vommiting nowadays... But I dunno why the vomit cannot come out and i get giddy spells all over.. haiz....

This week, after nbc, I juz feel sad, stressed and very depressed lately. Very. I don think its cos of NBC. seriously don't. I got over with tat le.. sigh.. realli sigh. Come lets look at it. Homework and studies.

English: Today we did an essay and as you know. People all sitting around me is all good in english. I looked at their essays and compared to mine. Their sentences are all sprinkled with cheem english all over and mine? I think you all know. I do not express myself well and always ending up having misunderstandings and people misunderstand me.. sigh.

Math: We are currently at the chapter absolute functions. And in class i look at the screen with my mind blank. My mind not functioning. When i try, i find myself Even more tired than be4. PP down there drawing and their heads burying into drawing graphs, I down there staring into my paper and the last a math test we took, I think i am gonna fail, seriously fail. I didnt do 1 if the graphs that cos me 8 marks and the first graph-6marks, I did wrongly. Haiz.. I feel like so useless.. Out of 18, i think i am gonna do terribly. I seriously don understand Linear law.. Maybe i should find miss ong to teach me. But i have band band band.. haiz...

Chinese: Can la, nothing much. Mr lua's lessons are getting interesting... yay... haiz... But the sad part is none of the vocab taught can go into my brain.. Xian.. haiz..

Physics: We have moved on to The chapter of waves.. But till now, i still dun understand pressure.. and when i get back tests nowadays, i find myself making a lot of careless mistakes.. and when i look at it, i realli want to slap myself... haiz.. I don realli think i deserve to be even in 3e1..

Chemistry: I don't even understand acids at all and i do not even have time to go look for mr tan.. The titration and wad how to prepare soluble salts or insoluble salts.. Haiz.. my mind is going to burst..

Biology: From starting of term till now, i dont even understand a single thing. and gueses wad. I slept during one of the lessons be 4 NBC.-cry- I realli donno anything... haiz..

SS: Crys, i can't get anything into my darn brain..

History: theres a test coming up and i haiz.. Also cannot get anything to my head.. I look at all those dates and stories to remember... haiz... How?? Sure fail 1 la..

Looking at all this, I realli think that my brain is malfunctioning..

Band:

I seriously dunno why the seniors want me to be SL anyway. I am so prblematic to the seniors I am like so darn irritating to them... Until that day xinhui have to call the seniors to come and talk to me. I dunno. I seriously don't. Why am i juz so problematic.. NOw looking back at my sec 1 yrs, I realli think that i am soo darn extra, so hmm how to say.. Irriating.. Problematic to seniors.. Have to let them tolerate my childish, immature behavior.. That day talking, somehow, it raked up the past a little.. I realli dun want to look back.. But pp around me somehow Juz keeps raking up my idiotic past.. sigh.. And we juz got a new piece to learn.. Today in band.. My tone was like shit and i cannot articulate properly.. I think i am seriously too tired.. Is like i wanna plan my time.. BUt hmk hmk hmk, test test test... How to plan?? AAAAAAAAAAA!!


Prefects: I dun even know why i am bothering to even type this.. Is like almost all the sec 3s got promoted to Senior prefects or above. while i am still a prefect... haiz.. Wad i do sia.. I think inside, there are lots of polotics going on la.. Is like Er hao got promoted to assistant vice-head prefect. Haiz.. He do traffic, easy mah, then me leh? Haiz.. no one appreciates level patrollers anyway.. Maybe i should juz stop sacrifcing my recesses to do duty. As Cheryl ( head prefect) says to me, " WE DON'T NEED STATUES IN THE BOARD." for goodness sake la, The staircase duty when i do everyone got wear their name tags la.. Then wad i do go to them and ask them to take off their nametags and put on again huh, izzit?? Then i seriously don like my dismissal duty... Is like the sec 4s juz think its so easy la.. then they try To purposely irrtate me.. But i don react, then they think hao qi fu.. wadeva la.. Then is like, Seniors say that this sec 4 batch, the more rude you be to them, the more they dun wanna listen to you.. U all see la, trying to be nice to them.. BUt wad? They all taking it for granted( tats wad i feel la) and i feel like screaming at them then wad? Later they go tell cheryl or gng then i get into trouble.. wad u all think so easy meh??!! THEN YOU COME AND TRY LA!! LET ME TRY TO GET PASS YOU! DON STAND IN 1 ROW, don wear nametag, Do what you want to me.. anyway, u all don care, juz treat me as something to vent ur frustrations on, think bullying Is fun, yeah its fun, when its not happening to you. U TRY LA!! Is like ya la, some also try to cooperate la, thanks lots la.. But then sigh.. U all come and do and try, I realli wanna give up, that way i will not be a chore, i will not be a problem to the heads, i no need to sacrifice my recess and starve for 4 periods, I don need to give pp any trouble.. SAVE YOU ALL ALL THE TROUBLE!! and theres something tat makes everyone damn angry.. Some one go paste a sign(u all should know hu la) " Onli senior prefects and above can enter, knock be4 u enter". then the person who set this says that the room can onli be used for meetings and serious stuff.. Ya, i agree. But Aint the prefects room supposed to be a place where we can chill? Where after a ddays work go there relax, enjoy ourselves??? Socialise? huh? U think wad, u so big meh? So wad if u are big? If you want other pp to respect you, u gotta think of others first, you gotta respect them first. then they will respect you back. I know u got high rank la and i am like the lowest rank in the board, but as a high position person you should also respect EVERYONE despite our differences and ranks.. Is like you look around la, all the sec 3s almost, all above senior prefects.. BUt me onli an ordinary rank. NOw my morning duty is to train the sec 1s, U can ask xiangling, joyce they all. i train them, they now dare to ask pp to wear name tags and such. Yun han and mark. Is like they are good. Dare to ask sec 5s and such. kks fine, train 2 sec 1s no big deal. SO?? u try la? Sometimes, i don't even know why am i under this board anyway, we all are treated how the heads like to treat us. SO much AP and bosiness pp inside.. Seriously, wad made me even join this stupid board in the first place.
Sigh.. HOpe you all dont have any offence, got anything not happy type in my tagboard, leave a note there. THX

-jerm