Sunday, January 21, 2007

weather: night. clouds are white
21st january 2007

this post is dedicated to wei jun. ok. I wanna post out something just meant for you. relax. its not angry or what. just wanna tell you all something. I am now OK liao. haha not depressed whatsoever kay? you 2 relax kay? i am not depressed whatsoever anymore. i miss being lame. and i HATE the depressed, stupid metality and thinking jermain. I want the lame-brain functioning-nice mentality jermain back. haha. so after sorting out my thoughts like how xinhui toshikasa taught me. I learnt something. jun. the way you are talking to me, is normal. haha. it is normal. though its not the usual way. you are only doing this. is cos, maybe you think i am still depressed. having that stupid idiotic mentality. and thought that if we talk casually/ how we used to, then later we will end up feeling all angry, feeling even worse. right jun? did i say correctly? thats why you talking to me like that. cos you know that i will feel that you will feel like that. so that i wont talk to you so much which will result in less pp getting hurt. leaving you more happy, leaving me more happy. RIGHT? *cross fingers, please say i am right* The only reason i am like this, is cos of depression, and the resulting metality affected thats why like that. On msn, i asked you. Now, since everything is ok, can we go back to how we used to be? then jun replied: dunno. . well, something like that. at first, felt very upset. why he say that. I miss the good old days. But now, i just realised something. if jun says dunno, at least, there still could be a possibility of him saying yes. I think that, jun wants to see me being back to my lame, ok, fine jermain again. before saying the 3 letter word.=). be4 we can get back to normal. see arhh. i show you 2 stories.

if he says yes now and i am "depressed"-----------> results in me saying wrong things getting him and myself pissed only-------------> worsen ties

if he says dunno----------> jun observes MY behavior and mentality (will take some time, but hope can be4 i leave the band=))------------------------------------------------->everything ok-------------------> soon, he will treat and talk to me back the way we used to, like close senior and junior.=)

well, hope the story is the 2nd way. haha. yup. and i realised something. this whole issue of you guys being like this, and i being like this is all my fault. is cos i said some words, that sparked off this whole event. is cos i am ANGRY. thats why like this. well, i find that, when i am a happier person, the section is much bonded together. (if its wrong tell me) . proof: in bus back from SCH, the flute section was the craziest section in the bus. making sooo much noise. EVERYONE enjoyed it. from sec3s-4s ALL enjoyed it. heh. haha. when i sad, angry -----------> everyone feel so tense, will feel much worse off. and jun, you do concern about me. you havent give up on me. yup. even though you say in your mouth, you do concern bout me still. proof: when i was crying in the bus on the way to SCH, you like worried, panic like that. then on in SCH, you asked sofie to talk to me also. =). yupp.. then last night also. =). how bout the time when i was sick? at least you asked me whether i was all right all this on msn. need more?

see??!?!?! RIGHT NOT?? hmm? JUN. if i say correctly, i hope i did. I will show you i am ok liao. then you treat me back normal can? like talk normally again. haha dont so monosyllabic can maa?? HURR? please? haha. i hope i did. but if i say wrong things, that means this whole post i type for nothign liao. but i know that you havent give up on me. dont worry. i will make sure you wont give up on me.=p.haha.but at least i tried right? well, hope that when i become normal,and the section is ok, things can slowly recover and get back to normal. like i can openly tell jun about how i feel, and he also can confide in me as well. like the GOOD OLD DAYS. heh. well. hope its like this. and the section will all be ok also! like the sec 2s will FEEL much happier in each practice, then to see a demoralised tired xianed looking SL affecting everyone's mood. xinhui toshikasa told me when everyone sees you like this, they will also like go "xian, why you like that. haii." then i think result in everyone feeling very worried concerned, then cannot focus on band. stacey, kaiping, i try to SMILE more kayy? +). I try EVERY BAND PRAC to smile. =D.

by the way, things between me and zhi Hao stablised already. SO HAPPY YAY.! HAHAHA HEHEHEHHE. HOHOHOH. this morning/afternoon. we had a real nice chat. heh. haha. talked so casually, like how we used too. heh.then zhi Hao is gonna play with me hai dai quan on monday. HEHEHHEHE. CANT WAIT. haha. if i lose, i have to go and tell jun about how i feel in band (shit, hope wont lose, later tell wrong thing agian.) but if he lose horr, hahahahha, have to POLISH the whole section's every single flute. I actually wanted him to go and RUB CHARCOAL on his flute der. but like soooooo bad.haha. yup. well, am happy that things worked out all right after all between me and zhi HAo. feel like much happier now. HAHAH. promise dont make you upset/ disappointed ANY MORE. haha. i want you, my juniors, to feel HAPPY, STRESS FREE In band =)=). but still a bit sad. haha, once me and weijun are ok again. i feel that, band would be a much nicer place to be in once again. and please. I will and once and for all, get rid of this stupid idiotic mentality of mine, and that depressed and tired look of mine. I will and promise you all WILL go back to the jermain I once was. the happy one, the LAME and energetic one. haha i miss being lame, crappy all this. I NEED MY LAME SIDE AGAIN. NEED IT. HAHAHAHAHA.WOAOOAOAOAJG;KFJDSAGKLJDAF;GJ. ok going madd. haha. hilary, qiyun, amanda always ok der. haha. Since the chapter in my band story is still carrying on, the chapter where me and zhi Hao unhappy all that over liao, i feel so happy. is like the rainbow shines after a heavy rain. but this rainbow shining, is only half a rainbow. the other half, is not out yet. when jun and me is back to normal again, haha. then the rainbow wil be full. =)=)=)!! haha, hope to see jun and section and zhi in band on monday. lots of stuff to talk bout. haha. then maybe during break that time, section can go crazy again, but have to play with zhi HAO HAI DAI QUAN FIRST. haha, syf reheasals blog another time kay? tired liao. tmr still got swimming training. heh. haha

*HOPE MR SEXY SENG WEI JUN CAN READ THIS. HEHE. no offence kays??? haha, wees. so fun to being lame again. =).**

P.S. when getting read of that stupid depressed/tired look of mine +++ that stupid idiotic sad and gloomy mentality, i will also get rid of the IRRITATING side also KAYYY??? SMILES EVERYONE. THANKS SOOO MUCH TO KAIRU AND WEI XIANG FOR TELLING ME WHAT HMK TO DO WHEN I WAS ABSENT IN SCHOOL.=)=)
ESPECIALLY TO MY DEAR DEAR SECTION. =)=)=)

oh ya, gonna do something to everybody's tagboard soon. haha, you'll find out. DONT WORRY. it will not be spam. =)


WOOTS. NVM. HEHE. monday arhh zhi HAO!! you watch out!! gonna play HAI DAI QUAN. make sure i win! hehe. so no need to go and tell jun. later say wrong thing. WOOTS~~

-jErM