Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Weather: Okok, like shine a while, then rain a bit
16th January 2007

Hi.

OK. I am feeling mixed right now. I dunno how to start this post. maybe i shall start as a whole then tell you all the HAPPY part then the s---a----dd---s---a--dd part. KAY? I start with the HAPPY part first then tell you why i am sadd.=).)=.

ok. Happy news. I FINALLY FINISHED SOCIAL STUDIES HOLIDAY HOMEWORK. WOOHOO WOO HOOO. SQUEALS LIKE MADD. WOOTS WOOTS. haha. THE JOY! THE SENSATION! WOOTS. all just came. haha. feel so happy. finally done liao. and you know what? it resulted into my academics ok again! I now have time to study, to tutor and everything! can complete hmk on time liao. and got time to study for tests. haha. there is electricity test coming up this friday. And though I know almost nuts about that topic (thanks to miss c**a) i will do it and i can do it! haha. ok. then what else i happy about de nehhs?? OH YA! and sleep is very very important to your health! yup. slept earlier ytd. at 10+ after finishing some hmk. then today i WHOLE day can concentrate lehh!! WOOTS~~ even the most boring period-biology. haha but then today not boring you know WHYY??? cos we started on SEXUAL REPRODUCTION ON...... what you think lehh?? give you 3 seconds. 1. 2.3. ok. SEXUAL REPRODUCTION IN PLANTS. haha so interesting! the budding and the what ahh? layering, erm, cutting, grafting etc. even asexxual reproduction and sexual reproduction!! hahah. ok laa. later some people say i bian tai. =((. haha. nvm laa. I is liddat de maa. HORR W****N??Z****O?? Ok. and i can almost concentrate on all. haha. needs some revision for math though. well. as you can see. my academic life is well balanced le. everything back on track! woots. and zhi Hao finally understands algebra. WOO HOO! OH YEAH LALALA. ok, nvm laa , i dont even know. sighs. everytime now when pp say zhi hao or wei jun, i get very sad liao. i get very upset liao. come on, move on to the sad part.

Ok. the sad part.
1) I have no flutes to use for the syf rehearsal and my piccolo is leaking. the other piccolo is at repair. and the piccolo i using leak. ok fine. nvm. my piccolo still can go on a bit laa. My instrus are coming back this weekend. haha. like finally. then no flute. My sister, dion, have flute de. MBS de flute. then i ask my mama whether i can like borrow it for juz friday. she says no. =.=""". she say later lost it all this how? later will lose the trust of pp and such. sighs. 1 DAY ONLY MAHH! and not like i will lose it right? No matter how i try to persuade. she says no. cos its MBS 1. =.="""sighs. DIE LIAO LAA. this brings me to my second point.

2) almost all the flutes in the section are facing major problems. =((.
My flute- repair
amanda- the b flat play the sound tuning not right
qiyun- her flute sot le i dunno what happened
z****andw*****- rich maa. got own flutes
hilary- FUNCTIONING very well

sighss. HOW HOW HOW??? ARGHH. no flute for rehearsals. and MRS CHUA ASKED ME TO PLAY. SOLO SOMEMORE... i asked zhi HAO TO help me instead. he says no. haiii. HOWW???!?!?!??!? die liao la die liao laa. ughh.

3) mdm zaibon briefed the band today. though everyone emotions are high. mine is especially. well, lately has been liddat. but our seniors came back ytd, then talk to us. I felt better. But mdm zaibon said something. and that line, made me reflect a lot, made me think a lot, made me sooo upset. made me like. ugh.

" SLS! you must bond the section! especially in this period of time! we cannot have any lost souls goin around, 1 here 1 there....."

sighs. shit. am crying le. sighs. I felt that i have failed terribly as an SL. an SL is supposed to look after the welfare of the section. He is suppose to make sure the well being of the section and that he is suppose to keep the section close, and aspire to make the section the best section in the band. I think i have failed miserably. really really miserably.=(((. my section is close yea. BUt they hate the SL. they are like angry with me. a lot. they all are like very upset with me. even though when i get angry with them, they in the end will angry with me de. later i express this on my 4th point. WEll. ya. now its like that. the section IS bonded. yar. they ARE! BUT the SL is not. is like

section------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------SL

thats the distance we are now. everyone is like ughh with me now. well? they even go do stuff for me. and then i juz aiya dunno la. nvm. ok. 1 by 1. hilary is angry with me for using her flute with out her permission. well I got something to say, CANT the SL use all flutes? cannot mehh? hur? and then, ok fine. if canot. i know you hate me to play your flute, cos after i play your flute got white white things there de. and those are hydrated skin cells. to hydrated le. thats why fall out. and drop on the flute resulting in those white white things. well, Is not like i want them to fall right? hur? I mean, if can i also dun wann. But i am liddat. and moreever, after i used it i cleant it like siao. i made sure the mouth piece no WHITE WHITE stuff. then i left. then what you do? zhi Hao cleant your flute with alcohol... it should be me what! why dont ask me? hur? whyyy????? i am very upset you know?! i mean, is not like i want it to drop right? you stop acting like as though i am sooo disgusting can? you everytime act like i am some disgusting freak. until i cannot touch your things. like WTH. nvm, i disgusting freak right? FINE. i dont touch your stuff kayy? make you happy. to my 2 utmost concerned juniors: I am not jumping to conclusions, this is what i feel. AND anyway if you all are reading, why bother? in the end get yourself hurt only. and further more, w****n, you give up on me liao right? then still read for what? Is not scolding, is stop getting yourself hurt by me liao. But if you not hurt then i dunno. i really dont already.

4) wei jun and me the relations are at the brink of breaking now. i dunno laa. you know the last post? when i say that i help him configure the code for his blog song all that? then he told zhi Hao: Is not i ask him de right? is he do himself de right? then why still asking for repayment? -well, somthing like that. well, it seems to me, that being with me makes him worse. he feels upset cos of me. He gets angry cos of me. He gets all the negative feelings cos of me. well. i am sick of seeing my junior get hurt by me. especially when he is soo close. well, unconciously, I keep on dunno laa, i dont feel this way, but what i am thinking is that being with me seems that he is very unhappy. i dunno. now we dont even talk. we dont even say hi all this ler. well, I am very sad. now no one to talk and blurt to when i am sad. zhi HAO. i really am not gonna blurt to anyone anymore liao. really. I now have just lost a good friend, a teacher, a brother, a junior. i just lost him. well, thats what i feel. nvm, I also not gonna tell zhi hao anything liao. (pls don feel hurt) cos whatever i tell him, will still end up with wei jun in the end de. everytime also liddat de. and its making both sides feel even worse. then now, in msn, weij un talk to me coldly de lor. He like, so cold. I dunno why. muz be me. zi zuo zi shou. He is angry with me. Ic an tell. and they SYF solos, if wei jun or zhi Hao wants to play go ahead la. wei jun is like a stranger to me now. He seems like this whole new person that i dun even know. yup. well, if he talks to me in msn, I am not gonna reply him AT ALL. unless its about band, then i talk. personal stuff I want put aside. he talks about it i shut up liao. thuogh am feeling stressed and upset now, i am not gonna talk to him about all this anymore laa, he juz my junior can liao. i dunno ANYTHING abuot him liao. zhi HAO ALSO. i am not gonna tell you anything liao. everytime also liddat de. you go tell him. wei jun and zhi Hao. I really dunno what is going on now. I dunno what is making weijun so angry/upset. I really dont. I mean, I have a mistake, and i wanna correct it. but by doing so, you guys aint giving me any chances to change. so well, if liddat de hua, you want me to carry on with my mistakes then go ahead. Lemme suffer like this. I dunno juz feeling kindda sad right now. I dunno laa. well, I am gonna write personal feelings in my private blog. it has died like sooo long time ago. But to this issue of weijun, for personal feelings i am going to post in my private blog. anyway, he also dunno the site liao. so he wont get to read it. WOOTS.

sighs, ok go over and post liao. then after that, play flute, then do hmk, sleep. bb

-jErM