Friday, February 23, 2007

Weather: raining-suits my mood
23rd February 2007
music: Danceries

hi. I aint in a very good mood while blogging. But i dont think i will be offending anyone. i am just very disappointed with myself, and i wann cry. really really wann cry. when i got home today, i just fell asleep, i thought i would have felt much better after sleeping. but i woke up feeling even worse. i tried to numb myself from watching TV, eating, sleeping. everything i can think of. the thing just stay there.

well. today is our A math and physics common test. and that is bothering me. Like hell. the thing is that, ytd, i was studying very super duper hard yesterday. and i found both tests to be killers. the worst part is that my A math has sucked ever since the beggining of this year. and I dunno why. i tried everything. maybe i just lack practice. I have been getting B4s and C5s. i used to be getting A1s and 2s. i dunno what the heck happened. feeling very hurt. very unstable.. VERY. and for physics, i felt that it was really really weird. i got wrong questions. and i found out that i carnt explain fully. i am so dead. such a failure. i die ler i die ler. really die ler. i feel so emotionally hurt. i dunno what to do already. i tried and tried and tried. maybe my trying isnt hard enough. i think that from now on, i will ban myself from the computer from monday- thursday. saturday to sunday. only friday. i wann cry. really really wann cry. i give up. really really wann give up lers. tried and tried. i think i will just study laa. study till i go crazy. till i go mad. i wann give up. really really wann give up already. if i dont study, i wann die. sec2, i needa relax to do well. and i aint enjoying my studies this year. I think let this common test be the last setback I will occur. the VERY VERY last 1. lets work hard for the rest of the papers. and do my best. i hope i will know how to do all. for bio just memorise. and for chemistry do and do and do. so dont disturb me this weekend unless its urgent. and from now on.
monday, wednesday and friday--> BAND till 6.30pm. go home straight. rest, then start work.
tuesday and thursday--> 3.25pm so, go home straight.

i seriously am beggining to wake up. I think what mrs chua said about the band that it has reached its peak and its falling. i think its happening to me. during sec 2 i climbed the mountain like mount kinabalu. i think i needa aim for mount everest. like aim that high. and i am not gonna give up. lucklily i wake up now. not like a day before O level or prelims. From now on, I will do these stuff as listed below. dont count friday.

-playing the flute and piccolo
-study
-swim
-do homework
-revise revise revise whatever teacher has taught for the day
-tutoring my juniors if they ever need help.
-family stuff.
-prefects

you see. donovan also woke me up. He has been getting A1S for his A math tests since the beginning this year and this common test, he finshed EVERY SINGLE 1. and said it was easy. Amos lim and wei neng also. i felt really disappointed. despite the class also averagely losing many marks, i felt really upset. I realy really am back into the mood of studying. like really studying. i carnt fall. i dont wanna fall. well, thats all for studies.

AND for band right. i am gonna gao dim the section politics ONCE and for ALL. finish it. if the band dont wanna wake up, i dunno what to do. all i can say is that, as an SL and as a player, i will do my best in my part and help the section to be at its best. despite the main band flautists or the junior band flautists. I shall now do my best in everything. i feel the drive when i was in sec2. except, this time, is really big set back that woke me up. lets hope that i can survive through this common test. for the rest of my subjects. yeah. and i seriously hope that the band will wake up. some of them still like slacking, so relaxed. SYF is coming. no band still can HOORAYYY. wakao. then i dunno what the hell i am working so hard for. seriously. i go research so much, I go work hard, i go buy so much other insturments for the senza part. if i know that my efforts are gonna be wasted just because of this few people, then i will not work hard. but i will continue working hard. to do the best that i can. zodiac pic parts. and my solo for sunrise. well. going off to practice flute lers. since its friday. tmr wake up, straight study for biology.

-jErM