Tuesday, March 20, 2007

to: zhi Hao. dont read this post all rights? I think its gonna be very very very very contradicting. dont wann you to get upset over this. =(.

I am stressed out, tired inside out, gimme a break, Leave me alone, enough is enough.I really want to cry already. everything that is happening around me. be it on relationships, academics, band, prefects. everything seems so overwhelming. i am tired. really really very very tired. relationships are like family ties, good friends ties etc.. I wann cry is really wann cry. maybe i should just give up. maybe i should just give up everything i have. sometimes, I think of like flying to a far far away place, and start life anew there. sometimes i feel like dying, so that i can go to hell and get totured for all the sins i've done this life. when i recall, ever since the day im born till now, I 've done too much of sins. am bound to get punished. i rather have that and get reincarnated. so i can forget everything in this life. should i go on? i feel very vexed out. stessed. get the feeling. 4E1. band. prefects. soon, band will be outta of my life for the rest of the year. though i will try to go back. =/.prefects out makes no difference. left studies. i somehow wish that i can just put down everything whole-heartedly.

hate this. really hate this. i am tired. even if i wanna leave, I dont think i will bear to leave all these things behind me. sorry for being so contradicting. yeah.haiz. i dunno..

ppl just tell me tat i shouldnt give up and continue working hard. that this year is stress-ed up year. looks like no more fun times. no more time for fun at all. look. lemme show you.

16yrs old- O level
17 years old- I hope. J1. then stress stress stress, trying to get used to new environment.
18- A level( I hope)
19- go army( as you know, i aint really fit.)
20- " "(uni?)
21-" "(uni?)
22- work
23- work.

look. where got time for fun? dont have lor. haiz. I miss my childhood days. I miss the days where I am so innocent that i know nothing about the world. i sometimes also wish that i am a forgetful person. though having a memory can help me remember scores, remember bio/history or whatever cheem formulas. but this thingy makes me remember hate, evil things, stuff that makes me really really upset or unhappy and love all at the same time. i am tired of that hate part. i really wish that i can forget some stuff i ever knew, I wish that i havent seen some stuff. like certain smses. etc. maybe i should let go of it already.I also dunno why i have such a **** mentality. I keep thinking too much,and i have a lame mentality. so lame. and dumb. and for thinking too much, I sometimes dont use my brain power in the right place. haiz.

lets see. a sec 4 student. so stressed until wanna die already. how to go on to jc?hur? is like cannot go on ler lors. and i even dreamt of coming back to haising to teach. bio?chem?goshh. hopeless case ler laa. haiz.

but all i can say is that, i hope that i can go on. hope that i have the strength and courage to perservere on and press on. my major exams and events are coming up. hope that i can hold out. bb.
-jErM