Thursday, June 07, 2007

weather: BRIGHT AND SUNNY XDD
7th June 2007
Music: Lesson number 1- Mulan 2

hey.Later going cycling cycling. yeah yeah. haha. okok~ wees~ but just blogging a bit then i am going off to do my work alreaady. haha. i can finally get to use dad's bike! haha. his bike has gears and what not der lorhss. haha. WEEHOO~~ lalalala. Finaly, haha, mum's bike too small for me! haha. yeah. so past few days whenever go cycling not having an easy time to start. haha. okok. enough about that. time for my thoughts.

well, this few days, i think i've been thinking quite a bit. about everything that is happening around me. you know what? i think that i've bothered too many ppl too much. and by looking back, i really hate it. I dont know why, bothering ppl is so irritating. thats what i find. i dont mind ppl bothering me, but i dont really like bothering ppl. thats me. call it weird, but hey, thats me. you know something, whenever there are problems present, i wanna solve it on my own. because every problem is a challenge. That is what i take challenges as. i dont really need ppl to symphtise me, or comfort me whatsoever when i talk about them. Take for example, that day i was talking to wei jun online, then i asked him whether flute playing will be affected if 2 months of not touching it. He asked me to stop comforting myself. and stop brooding over it. you know, somehow, it made me think quite a bit. Throughout this year, all i have been doing is brooding over problems. now looking back, i like ask myself laa, what the hell am i doing? bothering me and what not. everyone has their own busy lives to lead, and here i am asking ppl to comfort me or what not. you know, comforting is ok. but I do not like the word symphatise. I DO NOT NEED PPL TO SYMPHATISE ME ON MY PROBLEMS. PLEASE LAA. I can solve my problems on my own. really derhhs. if i ever need help i can always ask around. There is once a saying that ever went:

"failure is the mother of success" -by some dead guy

yeah. this year especially, i've met with so many failures already. Beit on relationships, academics(didnt fail, but really really TOO below my expectations), or band(like the TJ audition). you know what? I'd better really stop brooding over my problems but think up of solutions to solve them. yeah. I do not need ppl to symphatise me. really derhhs. you know what?

sometimes, some ppl ask about problems that is going on. then one of them ask me to explain to them. then they say that i am complaining to them and go and solve my own problems whatsoever. cos sometimes, the problem is so complicated, yet they think that it is so simple. so when i explain, what i get back is, that i want to be symphatised, etc etc.and the best part is, i havent even talk to these ppl for a very long time already about any problems. and the long time is really a VERY VERY VERY long time already.

well, i've my own problems. I solve it myself.Comforting sometimes i do need, but i do not need ppl to symphatise me. i see the word symphatise as like beggar you know? is like you trying to beg ppl to go. "aww, poor thing, come let me help you do it."
I mean come on laa, i am already on this earth for 16 years. I can do things by myself!

so after the chat with wei jun and some serious thinking through, you know what? i am not gonna look for any comforting what soever anymore. I am gona solve it my way, my own. haha. like the TJ audition thingy. haha, i screwed up real bad inside there. though ppl dont believe, but i really did. so you know what? haha, i am going back into that band by results and prove it to them that i am not some sec 2 guy who went there that day to ban men nong fu!(it means like some amateur going in front of a pro and act that he is better than him) Yeah. haha, and the thoughts excites, exhilarates and thrills me loads. I am so much in a better mood to study. haha, whenever i think that i am tired, wanna give up and go to the com and slack, this thoughts really gets me going. haha. yeah yeah. so thank you wj!

so right now, if i meet with failure whatsoever, i think i will be on my own comforting myself. something in i am gifted so are you.. let me quote.

this person is there when you shout for joy when you get good results.
This person is there to brood with you when you meet with setbacks.
this person knows all your deepest darkest secrets.
this person know about all the bad things that you've done.
this person is there when you are born.
this person is there to suffer with you when you are sick.
this person knows whatever you like.
this person knows whatever you hate.
this person knows you the best.


you know who is that person? that is yourself. you understand yourself. you are the only person who is there for youreslf. when you die, your parents or best friends are not going to go along with you. you go to heaven(for the christians) or hell(for the taoists[its a religon kindda thingy]) all by yourself. No one is gonna be there for you except the time you are alive. and the only person who will always be there for you, well, maybe your parents. but they cant be there all the time. you only have yourself to depend on. When a person is alive, it is whether you live a friutful life that counts. really. so you know what? if you are there, dont ever indulge in self pity for too long. took me 6 months to wake up! haha. yeah yeah!
cant wait cant wait to study! weeeeeeeee~ haha. real shiok.

oh ya. 1 more thing. whatever is happening in your life now right, its all created by you! not by any one else. I wont blame anyone else for anything anymore. You know. I really hate to keep secrets. Some how or other, when the situation turns crazy, you really have no chance but to say it out. so you know what? haha. i'd better learn to shuddap! haha. yeah yeah! cos you know why? you got whatever that you suck in, it is better that you go and work it out and solve it.

as i've once heard, got something you not happy with, then change it. stop brooding over it. haha. TJTJTJTJTJJTJTJTJTJJTJJ! OH YEAH!

haha. but of course, I may change my mind also. but nevertheless, feeling so hyped up now! hahah. WEE HOO~. well. gonna go off lers. OH YA! i change the song already! the tune is so nice. haha. got a sudden craze of mulan songs.

thank you wj! thank you the ppl who said abou the symphtetic thingy! thank you so much for teaching me so much. really derhs. =D. oh ya! and donovan for keep on hearing me drool on and on about some lame problems. if this sunday come, I will be focused. i promise! XD.

-jErM