Friday, June 29, 2007

weather: raining, its night
29th June 2007
music: 听妈妈的话

okay. hey. well. am supposed to be doing my homework and revision. But i am not in the right mood right now. am feeling really emo right now. well. i guess that this is the first time that i actualy admit that i am an emo person.=.=. partly is cos, i am listening to ting mama der hua. its on the left, i just changed it, you should go listen if you have the time. its nice. I feel like crying everytime i hear it. I feel like i am an unfilial son. I just disappointed my parents so bad during mid year. I felt like i didnt listen to her. every single time, she asks me to get away from the computer and start my work. What do i do? i treat is as er bian feng and just brush it away. i feel so idiotic. and disappointed them. during sec 2, i've scored really well. and what happened now? 37th in class. pro. my head is pounding as i type this, and it only happens when i am stressed.

today, in school was okay. it was the part when i went down to the band room that made me felt disappointed in myself. so i went down, and started teaching the sec2s. I pulled them out of their warm ups. and decided to hear their long tones. hearing how the seniors say that their tone cannot make it and what not right, i listened out with all ears. and listen to their tone, articulation and everything, and allowed the music that they played to dance into my ears. And you know what? i found it quite all right. I am especially proud of my juniors. All 3 of them. cos I hear improvments. I found stacey's tone to be not bad, in fact. am proud to say this. and Joanne's tone is also okay. just that there is "ffffffffffffff"inside. well, dont worry. she will overcome. kaiping's tone, although the tone isnt up to expectations, was still okay. she doesnt know how her fingerings. thats all. gave her the piccolo to play today. yeah. hope it will motivate her to work harder. so the sec 2s was okay.

but..

i guess that something else that happened in the band room made me very disappointed inmyself. which is my close to me junior-wei jun. during the mozart song today, when i heard him. i was like going WOW. oh my goshh mann. his tone sounded flawless, sounded full of stabillity and wondrously cool. even i couldnt achieve that when i was sec 3. As i listened with enviousy, i just kept on thinking why i couldnt be a better flautist. My playing sucks a lot compared to jun. his tone was like ringing through the band room. the music flowing as though the notes were dancing ballet in the air. It was the most wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, spectecular thing i have ever heard, with a faint essence of vibrato in it. you know, when reflecting upon myself, i guess what someone say was right. As he played, i listened with admiration and respect. really. was so damn cool. and i just ask myself, why cant i be better? well. i guess i did it. something that we flautists have tried to achieve, to get your junior to be better than you. I guess that i am real proud of him that he can play so well. I would say the best junior i can ever have. guai, dong shi, ting hua, li hai in studies or band. and i really envy him. well, i think i better start bucking up. EVEN MORE. haha. well. musnt let myself to drone in self pity ever again. I think instead of this, I'd better concentrate on my studies more first. Then deal with the flute tone and everything when i get into my dream JC's band. the competition there is furious and ferocious. and i dont know whether i can take it. listening to him after that playing with jon oh senior with the basoon, i went even wower. haha. well.. hopefully, someday i can surpass him again. then he will be motivated to improve. then allow each other to improve by leaps and bounds again, though he very pro liao. haha. =).

but as there say, you have to take risks to be better. well. go jerm. hope all those who did oral today did well! =). cya guys soon.

-jErM